Release: Moving on...(part 3)

We’ve been talking about forgiveness for 2 weeks now and we’re about to wrap it up today. Last week JD did a great job talking about the steps to forgiveness. If you missed that you can read them here, or check out the blog from last week…

1. Remember that the person who hurt you is human. Learn to separate the sin from the person.

2. Be specific about naming the ways that person hurt you.

3. Give it to God.

Sounds simple, right? Wrong. It’s really hard but the first step is actually doing it. Today we’re going to talk about knowing that forgiveness is the right thing to do and actually doing it…


Now, there are some things in life that require little to no instruction for me. Like my cell phone. When I brought my cell phone home I didn’t get out the little manual that came with the phone. I didn’t sift through the pages of the instructional booklet to find out how to turn the phone on, how to make calls, or even how to text. I just picked it up and did it. You see, I don’t need to read the instructions. I don’t need you to help me. Just give it to me and go.


Then, there are other things in life I’d like a lot of instructions. Like, IF I ever got enough nerve to go skydiving. I can say with 100% confidence that I would go to the instructional class. I would pay attention to every word the instructor said. I would watch every video clip extremely closely. In fact, I might sit in that class for HOURS – if I could.


You see, when it comes to a matter of forgiveness some of us want more instruction instead of actually DOING it. Forgiveness isn’t something we need to read up on or study for hours. Really, forgiveness is a process that we have to keep working at, not a formula we have to figure out. If you’re anything like me you can spend hours and hours analyzing how to forgive, why I should forgive, what to do…but really it’s useless because the analyzing just gets us stuck anyways.


Check out what the Bible says about us taking our knowledge of forgiveness into action…

James 1:22 (NLT) But don’t just listen to God’s Word. You must do what it says. Otherwise you are only fooling yourselves.

1 John 4:20 (ESV) If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.


You see, the best way we can connect with God is by having our human relationships right. Without having human relationships that have deep and meaningful connection, we cannot properly connect with God.

Forgiveness is going to look different in each of our situations depending on who we need to forgive and where we are in the forgiveness process. When we begin to practice forgiveness, we start to view the offense done to us differently. Choosing to forgive this person is the more empowering thing you can do for yourself because you are no longer allowing the individual who hurt you to have a say in the pain that remains. We don’t really have a choice. We are either building up walls on our hearts and towards other people, or we are actually forgiving. WE can’t stand still.


We have to learn how to do this, for ourselves, our relationships, and our faith.

No matter what you need to do, you need to do something.

Don’t give up.

Don’t walk away.

Don’t call it quits.


My prayer for me and my prayer for you is…Keep pursuing forgiveness.

release (part 2)

We've been talking about forgiveness in this series at NewPointe. Last week we talked about how Jesus asks us to forgive each other. The Bible actually tells us that we need to forgive 77 times! (Check out last week's blog...)

Here the thing though...most of us know we are supposed to forgive, but we don't really know how. Or, if we think we know how we get trapped in a cycle of forgiveness and unforgiveness and never really get rid of the pain at all. I mean, the Bible says in Colossians 3:13, "Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you." That's all good, but how do we do it?

Well...this week we want to hopefully give you a Biblical process for forgiveness...

1. Understand that the person who hurt you isn't perfect - just like you. And separate their sin from them.

2. Get specific about the ways that person hurt you. Write them down. Think about the details of the hurt. Say them to yourself.

3. Take those specific things and tell God how much you are hurt. When you pray be specific about how the actions that person did offended you.

Check out this verse: 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxieties (worries) on him (Jesus) because he cares for you."

Repeat this process as much as you need to.


This week take time to talk with the students in your family about this process. Be available to discuss specific situations with you. Help them work through this process.

Release

If you missed yesterday in student ministries you missed out on a great talk and discussion about forgiveness in our lives.

We all have experienced forgiveness at some level. We have either given forgiveness to someone, or received forgiveness for something we've done. Either way we know what forgiveness looks like. Sometimes we have a hard time forgiving others, don't we?

I struggle forgiving others because I don't want to bring up conflict, I don't want to look dramatic, or I just want to ignore it and move on. In reality, all of these options stink. When you don't forgive others your heart starts to build up resentment and anger towards others.

God gives us a new model for how we should live in Matthew 18. It would be a great idea to read this chapter with your students. Jesus asked the disciples to guess how many times they should forgive. They threw out the number 7. So, if someone hurts you 7 times you can forgive them that many, huh?! Seems reasonable. Jesus comes back and says, actually...you should forgive 77 times.

Where are you with forgiveness? Maybe there is someone in your life you need to really be intentional about forgiving. If you ignore it, or just let little things build up, you will be carrying an unnecessary weight around.

Talk about this topic with the students in your house - maybe it will even change you too.

___________________________________________

Create meaningful conversation with the students in your home. Allow your kids to let the discussion flow, but you can keep it moving.

Bottom Line: As a recipient of forgiveness, become a dispenser of forgiveness.

1. Can you think of something your family does, or something unique to where you live that if you tried to explain to other people they might not understand? It may make perfect sense to you, but from someone else’s perspective it doesn’t at all?

2. Is the idea of forgiveness difficult for you to understand? What part of it doesn’t add up? Do you have an easier time receiving it, or giving it? Why do you think that is?

3. Read Genesis 4:3-8. How many of you were familiar with the story of Cain and Abel before today? Based on what we just read, what do you think of the issue that led Cain to kill Abel? Was Cain justified in what he did? Was Cain overreacting? Do you think anyone sees an unforgiveness issue in your life and thinks you are overreacting?

4. Why do you think God made it so that no one could kill Cain? Would this punishment be worse than death in your opinion? Why or why not?

5. Who here had someone come to mind as soon as we started talking about forgiveness? (No names, please.)

6. When thinking about this person, what emotions come to the surface? Do you think of forgiveness as an “ought to” or “should” in your situation, but find yourself unwilling to extend it? Or do you think of yourself as justified in withholding forgiveness?

7. We talked about three typical reactions we tend to have when being hurt. We want to take revenge. We want to play the victim. Or we want to cut out of our lives the person who hurt us. Of those three, which most accurately describes your response? Why do you think it is easier to respond in these ways than it is to deal with the actual issue of forgiveness?

8. What is the danger in not dealing with the issue of unforgiveness in your life? Have you seen someone’s unwillingness to forgive affect other areas of his or her life? Have you seen your unwillingness to forgive affect other areas of your life?

9. Why do you think the ability or inability to forgive influences you as a whole and not just the one relationship where it is an issue?

10. Mark 11:25 says: “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that you Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (NIV). Why do you think there is such a connection between how well we forgive and how God forgives us? Why do you think God cares so much about forgiveness that He even wants us to forgive someone, while praying, because it effects the way we interact with Him?

11. What keeps you from practicing forgiveness? Are you afraid of letting someone off the hook? Is the process too difficult?

12. Based on the three ways we tend to respond to being hurt (taking revenge, playing the victim, or cutting the person from our lives) what can you start doing this week to refuse to respond to hurts in this way, and instead work on forgiveness?




“Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a pain that you did not deserve to get in the first place? Or do you want to be rid of it, healed, freed from it, so that you can go on with your life without that painful memory shadowing you?” —Lewis Smedes

If Only...

When I was in school I was the chubby kid. Yep. It's true. The.Chubby.Kid. You know him. You know him for three reasons: 1.) You ARE the chubby kid. 2 .) You're friends with the chubby kid. or 3.) You make fun of the chubby kid. Everyone knows the chubby kid.

I really didn't like getting picked on; I mean, who actually enjoys that kind of attention? So, when I got to high school and got a little self confidence I promised myself I would never make fun of the chubby kid. I also promised myself that I would use my experience to make light of rough situations in life.

You know, as I look back on that experience I now realize I had two choices. 1.) I could've been mad at everyone who made fun of me and ignored them for the rest of high school. My defenses would be up and I would have walls around everyone and keep them at a distance. OR 2.) I can use my past to fuel my future and the choices I WILL make.

The Bible gives us great examples of people who used their past to fuel their future. One of my favorites is Saul. I mean, Paul. Well...read this and you'll figure out the confusion.

There was a guy named Saul who was the main man when it came to killing people. He was the best of the best in that department. And to make matters worse hit targets were all people who believed in, and followed the principles of Jesus. He was a great killer - oxymoron, huh? Anyways, one day he was traveling to a city called Damascus and God met him on the road. No, God didn't come in a bush this time and didn't use a talking donkey. Instead the sky opened up and a great light came down on him. In fact, the audible voice of God came out of the sky. Basically, God asked Saul why he would persecute the people the follow Jesus - and said when he persecuted Christians he was in turn persecuting God too. Saul was upset and maybe a little embarrassed - and when the heavens closed up and the voice went away - Saul was blind. His encounter with God on the road actually caused him to believe in Jesus and his blindness went away. Now, here comes the cool part...

Immediately after his blindness was gone he joined with the disciples in teaching about Jesus. IMMEDIATELY. His identity was so changed that he wanted a new name, so he changed hi name to Paul. Paul used his past identity as Saul to fuel his passion for teaching others about Jesus. In fact, Paul went on to author 13 books of the New Testament!

It's tempting for us to get caught up in our past regrets or past sins, but Jesus doesn't want that for us. Instead he wants us to have life - and life to the full. AND Jesus wants us to take our past and use it to fuel our passion for the future. You see, all of us have a "past" and we can use it to help others not make the same mistake, or not become bitter.

Maybe you're like me and you had a rough experience in elementary or middle school - how can you use that to help others in the future?
Maybe you were disrespectful to your parents in the past and you see how hurtful that was - how can you help others to see the problems there?
Maybe you've crossed physical boundaries with your boyfriend or girlfriend - how can you use that to help others not do the same?

What is in your past that you can use to fuel your future?

If Only...(week 1)

We are starting a new series in MSM and HSM called If Only...

What's your "if only"? Every one of us has one, two or a hundred different scenarios in which we would do or say something differently. That e-mail we wish we would not have sent. That relationship that we should have avoided - or never began. We all have regrets, things we would do differently if given the chance. So if life inevitably brings those "if only" moments, how do we handle the regrets that haunt us? How can we turn the "if onlys" from our past decisions into something more, something that will help both us and others?

Have you ever had something really embarrassing happen? Like, something that happened to you that you wish wouldn't have happened, or something you did or said that you wish you could take back? I think everyone has moments in their life they wish they could rewind, or just take back all together.

My "if only..." statement would would have to be - "If only I would've spent more time with my grandmother before she got Alzheimer's..."

There are many things that happen in our life that we wish we could change or do over, and sometimes we let those instances go unresolved. If we never really deal with our regrets then we'll never get past them.

The Bible talks about a couple of brothers who had a big regret in their life. In fact, now would be a good time for you and the fam to read the story of Joseph. Go ahead and read it...Now, notice what happens in Genesis 42:21 - there's a big regret that pops up in the story. See if your family can find it...

Joseph's brothers were thinking to themselves...if only we hadn't sold our brother into slavery we wouldn't be in this position...Instead of dealing with the regret their whole life, fessing up, and trying to move on, this regret kept creeping up in their life.

Now, maybe you're like Joseph's brothers. Maybe there is something you did or said in the past that keeps creeping up in the present and you don't really know what to do with it. Well, today, if you are able to work on a relationship or talk to someone about it - do it.

Stay tuned to the series, "if only..." you won't want to miss it!

To discuss as a family...

Bottom Line: Yesterday’s regrets affect today.

1. What did you think of the talk this week? What did you hear the speaker say?

2. Have you ever had an embarrassing moment—something you wish you could go back and undo?

3. What’s the difference between something embarrassing that you can remember and laugh about and something that makes you sad or sorry?

4. What is something that made you sad or sorry when you were really little? Can you remember a story?

5. How does regret change as we get older?

6. Re-read Genesis 42:21. Describe what you think Joseph’s brothers were feeling.

7. How can regret from something in your past show up in your present situation?

8. What are ways that we tend to handle regret? What do you do when you start to feel sad or sorry about something?

9. Take some time to reflect on your life. What are some regrets that you have been ignoring or covering up?



CLOSING CHALLENGE:
Remind students that we all have regret. No matter how hard we try to do the right thing, all of us mess up and end up in situations we wish we could undo. Encourage students to continue reflecting on regret throughout the week.

** You may want to also challenge your students to read the story of Joseph. Many of them may have never read the story for themselves and it’s a great story for students who may be timid with Bible reading. Joseph’s entire story can be found in Genesis 37-50. **

On The Lot - Freedom

We all want freedom, don't we? I mean, we are always on a quest to find freedom in our lives. But, I think we go about this whole freedom thing the wrong way...Let me explain...

You see, we think freedom in our lives comes from the lack of boundaries and rules. We sometimes believe that freedom is found when we can make choices that we think are right, or we get to do what we want to do.

In reality, true freedom is found when we DO have boundaries - boundaries that are given to us by God. When we have NO boundaries we usually find ourselves further than we really wanted to go in the first place.

I also think sometimes we focus on what we aren't supposed to do instead of being excited about what we are actually encouraged to do.

Read Genesis 3:1-24.

In the garden Adam and Eve weren't given very many guidelines, and the one they did get they focused on and broke. We are so similar in that we focus on the NOs instead of getting excited about the YESes.

We need to get better at believing God has our best interest at heart. John 10:10 says, "I have come that they might have life - and have life to the full." God wants us to have a full life, we just have to believe that he has the best plan laid out for us.

On the Lot...

NewPointe student ministry had a busy weekend! Busy, but really awesome. Our small groups met here at Dover in The Warehouse and we had a rockin' morning on Sunday. All in all, it was awesome.

Let's face it. We've all been there. We've been frustrated with a friend, teacher, or even a family member and wished we could change them. I mean, seriously...if you're honest with yourself you've wanted to change someone in your life to conform to what you think they should be. But, have you ever thought that maybe you should be the one who changes?

You see, the Bible is a great book. Not just because it is full of great historical stories, but mostly (in my humble opinion) because it has power to change our lives. The Bible lays out principles and guidelines for how we should live and love each other. In fact, the Bible has been described as a mirror.

Check out this passage from James 1:23-24, "Anyone who listens to the Word but does not do what it says is like a person who looks at their face in a mirror and, after looking, goes away and immediately forgets what they look like."

The Bible has power to change us into who God really wants us to be. We would never look into a mirror and not fix the flaws we see. We would be so quick to fix a hair that's out of place, or adjust our shirt if it was messed up, but sometimes I think we read the Bible without asking ourselves how we can change.

Talk to the student in your house and encourage them to read the Bible, but also allow the Bible to change them...







QUESTIONS:

1. How would you summarize the main point of what JD was saying? (Answer: We read the Bible to change who we are and how will handle the things that happen to/around us.)

2. Have someone read James 1:23-24:

“Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a person who
looks at their face in a mirror and, after looking, goes away and
immediately forgets what they looks like.” (James 1:23-24 NIV)

3. When you look in the mirror and see that today is a bad hair day or that you have a giant pimple, there are three responses you can choose to have:
#1. You can forget about it and move on.
#2. You can let it make you feel ugly and depressed.
#3. You can do something to fix it.

Which one of these do you tend to do?

4. How is reading the Bible like looking in a mirror?

5. When you read a verse that makes you see something you should change about the way to live, what is your initial response:
#1. Move on and ignore it
#2. Get down on yourself about what a horrible person you really are
#3. Make a serious effort to change

6. Read the following verse from Proverbs 10 and then ask this question: “How is what I am reading going to change my life or alter my course?” Allow students time to think, and give them freedom to have different answers.

“The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.”
(Proverbs 10:9 NIV).


CLOSING CHALLENGE:
This week, continue to read one verse of Proverbs each day. On Monday, pick up with Proverbs 10:10, Tuesday, Proverbs 10:11, and so on.

Now here is the challenge: after reading the Proverb each day, ask yourself: “How is what I am reading going to change my life or alter my course?”